THE COCOONED SILKWORM
Often found busily scurrying in and out of tents and biennials, the highly intelligent Cocooned Silkworm prefers to keep its intricate, asymmetrical outer garments on at all times, even under the hot sun of Art Basel Miami Beach. Though often diminutive, this hearty animal is able to withstand drastic shifts in the unpredictable (and often downright temperamental) spring and fall climates of New York, London, Paris and Milan. It also has the uncanny ability to perch itself in the front row of any cultural presentation or ritual.
THE IBIZAN LYNX
The rare Ibizan Lynx can be found only in select island and coastal communities. It is very easy to spot, owingto its shiny coat of wildly clashing prints and color. While other species begin to retreat to their nests as they grow older, the Lynx will still stay up till 4 a.m., howling and dancing with much younger creatures, and show no signs of fatigue. A strong, independent and deeply tanned survivor, the Lynx will live long past other creatures and, by the end of its life, will have had numerous mates and children.
THE ORGANIC SWAN
This highly editorial, paraben-free creature appears only in white and shades of cream. Serious, crisp and often divorced, it can freeze enemies with a simple stare. This extremely limber animal thrives in the dry air of Taos and salty winds of Amagansett because of its extreme stretching rituals and highly selective diet. It only uses coconut oil and micellar water on its skin and mane.
This creature hews close to its nests in the Upper East Side and Greenwich, but it will migrate for exactly two weeks to the island of Nantucket in late August, where its colors will transform from navy blues and khaki tans to lemon yellows, fire engine reds and bright salmon pinks. Known for lunching, the lightly strolling Wasp is often the center of a very intricate social network and spends its late winter to early spring organizing and attending convergences of Wasps known as galas, at which it will wear the heirlooms of its ancestors. Though it’s feared to be going extinct, a new breed of younger Wasps has recently settled in various neighborhoods of Brooklyn, with their blond, tangle-haired offspring.
THE SULLEN SPIDERBAT
This nocturnal, inexpressive creature moves slowly across the floor, draped head to toe in black cobwebs, eyes always encased in dark shells. Despite its pallor and inability to breathe outside of smoke- filled rooms, the animal can sometimes, surprisingly, be found in harsher terrain, including Marfa or 29 Palms. It is very elusive: When wishing not to be seen, the Spiderbat will fold itself into a corner and pretend to be a shadow.
Mike Albo is a writer and performer. His latest show was Spermhood, based on his Amazon Kindle Single.
Illustrations by Jordi Labanda