Point Of View: False Idols

The world presents us with so many people to celebrate, admire and ogle—whether they deserve it or not. Mike Albo imagines a few more for your consideration.

The Luminous Actress with Lots of Time on Her Hands

How does Cree Summers look so radiant? She fasts three days a week and maintains a nonviolent fallitarian diet—eating only berries, fruits and coconuts that have naturally fallen from their source. And once a week, Cree enjoys what she calls “Sky Nutrition,” spending 48 hours sustaining herself on air. “For dessert,” the energetic actress says, “I spend time near my honeysuckle bushes and just breathe in that sweet aroma. It’s like a natural sugar high!”

MA3

The Inexplicably Famous “Style Star”

At last night’s second annual Hottie Awards, Snapchat sensation and style celebrity Brandin Barker stepped out on the red carpet wearing THIS DRESS that shocked the crowd. The full-length felt-and-denim gown had an unrevealing neckline, sleeves and literally no sparkles or sequins! This is why she is such a daring icon!

 

The Newly Ripped Action Hero

Dex Backford won our hearts (and funny bones) as the lumpy star of hit comedies Waiting for Moves, Bikini Bod and Man Cave 3. Then he got in shape, posed on Instagram wearing boxing gloves (and not much else) and went from class clown to sex symbol! Now, when he isn’t scaling skyscrapers in the blockbuster franchise Warhead or helping a family escape bloodthirsty vampire wombats in Fangtown, Dex maintains his ten-pack abs with good old-fashioned exercise—a daily nine-hour routine of rugger, kettle bells, aikido and Hungarian mud wrestling. “Working out is just something I build into my day now,” he says. “But as much work as I put into it, it’s really about having the right attitude, you know? Anyone can do it! I spend 30 minutes every morning staring at myself in the mirror and visualizing how I want my body to look. Lately, I have been focusing on my external obliques, and I have really seen the difference.”

MA2

The Socialite Who Roughed It to Find Herself

After her (very public) divorce, Bedelia von Clampwell-Blackworth realized she needed to change her life. “I decided it was time to really get back to me,” she says, so she sold her Upper East Side triplex penthouse, packed up her Audi, donated her collection of crocodile totes, satchels and clutches (not, of course, the luggage) and moved to rural Vermont, living simply in a 10,000-square-foot converted barn. “I just needed to get back to nature and really find myself again,” she says. It was during this two-week experience, “roughing it and cooking natural meals on my authentic 1800s wood-burning stove,” that she started getting the idea for SexeeTotes, her massively successful line of organic yoga bags. “I just put good energy into the universe, and it happened for me.”

 

The Supermodel with a Super-Big Heart

When she isn’t posing for covers of every major magazine out there, or picking out colors for FUUT, her new line of luxury socks, top model Nina Bling is vigilant about the environment. In fact, 0.09% of FUUT profits go toward rain-forest awareness.

MA1

The Leading Man with a New Love

Jason Blackworth has a room full of awards from his 26 films and hit TV series, but he reveals that only now is he truly satisfied. After divorcing his second wife, Nina Bling, the 64-year-old seasoned star married the second assistant of his first wife, Bedelia. Looking across the lawn of their Hamptons home, watching the limber Kaylee, 24, doing prenatal yoga on a large pumpkin on the grass, he says, “I am finally happy.”

 

Mike Albo is a writer and performer, and the author of Spermhood: Diary of a Donor, an Amazon Kindle Single. 

Illustrations by Jordi Labanda

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