No matter how you celebrate, a birthday tends to bring raised expectations. It’s hard to say why the first kazoo was invented, or confetti, or the tradition of wearing strange paper hats, but it’s no surprise that each technique has been adapted for use in our attempts to convey the unique status of the birthday.

Here is list of some popular methods organized in (rough) order of successfulness.

Dinner made in your honor by a friend–always flattering, and extra enjoyable for being effortless.

Breakfast brought to you in bed–ensures a strong, memorable start, no matter what happens

The birthday song done with harmony at the end.

Receiving flowers, which are in season, and especially when they’re grown wild.

Surprise parties– straddles the middle of the list because of the often polarizing effect on the recipient.

Seeing your name in icing–which otherwise falls in the category of cheap-thrills-that-are-nice-none-the-less

Opening presents in a circle–which always seems less for your benefit than for that of your guests’

Office cake–which ought to be included in job descriptions.

Doing shots, which is guaranteed to make you look at least a year older the day after.

AND FINALLY,

Mass Facebook posting by unfamiliar friends–which makes a live kazoo performance seem desirable in comparison.

The Trickiest Party of All: Catherine Despont on Birthday Rituals